hello and salam. 
it's been a while since i've updated this blog. i was stuck in my semester 1 (i know- this is just the beginning of my long journey through university), i've been yearning to write about this, only now i feel like i have the energy to think and write. it was pressure, i admit, to carry on writing because i don't want to lose this momentum. however, i have to be honest with myself and write whenever i have time and feel like it, because at the end of the day, i will come back here and read again.
...and constantly be reminded of my old self that life, is not punishing.
life is learning from mistakes as well as cherishing experiences and moments.
at the end of semester 1, i got involved into watching tv shows (yep, not a good way to relieve your stress. you're constantly banging your head to the wall because of the drama and stress- why was i torturing myself...) i watched hell's kitchen : all-stars. if you don't like swearing, shouting, pettiness and staged frustration, this show is not for you. again, why was i torturing myself? 
not bad though, this is michelle and benjamin, two of the chefs competing in the show.
one thing i truly learn from watching this competition tv shows is you need to bounce back. i hear this phrase so many times uttered by chef gordon ramsay himself. whenever any of the chefs made mistakes in the kitchen, they would always try to bounce back - compensate for what they have done. no matter how severe the errors were, they would try to redeem themselves by learning from the slip-ups and being better in the next challenges. bouncing back is hard, let me tell you that.
thankfully, we are all not in tv shows where everything is at stake and there's a time limit for every events in our lives.
...or are we?
bouncing back takes critical and creative thinking, not to mention resilience and adapting to change. imagine, you messed up in one of the responsibilities you had to carry, then in the next- totally different challenge, you have to adapt, do better and think fast to bounce back from your previous mistakes. it is difficult, definitely not for people who want to give up. you need to have confidence in yourself and hope that you will do better - nevertheless, you cannot be so sure on bouncing back every time you mess up. it is a gamble for sure, but every time you try, you're going to get all of the benefits insya-Allah.
i was called to write this post because of one particular incident that happened before i sat for the final semester examination, i had one of the most devastating moments- maybe not the worst but definitely it crushed my insides. i was always confident in myself, sometimes i felt guilty for feeling that i was better than the others, but the feelings just come, you know? for all of the subjects i took, thinking skill class was the hardest because it's purely based on the lecturer. actually on me as well, i'm not such a critical thinker and sometimes i don't think the same as the lecture. from many sections of marks i was supposed to keep track,
9 out of 20 marks was a brutal slap on the face.
i thought "ohmygod- I AM STUPID. I AM AN IDIOT."
it was what i was programmed to think, you see. after consulting my family and friends, then i realised: 1) the marks taught me to become more humble. i'm not as smart, as powerful, as strong, as brilliant as i think, i shouldn't think highly of myself. 2) the marks don't define me as well, numbers don't describe the degree of my worth, and i can do better insya-Allah. 3) it's not the end of my journey yet, i have some time to bounce back and improve, after all the up is the only way after going down.
a few days after, endured the final semester examinations and i thought to myself "it's not so bad after all." every hardship and downfalls are meant to teach us something, and we need a moment to ponder, look into it and comprehend it. i believe that all of the embarrassing things we used to do when we were little taught us many things today, and that is wonderful. 💓
bouncing back.
tough but possible, insya-Allah.
i hope i can look back at these moments and think, i went through it. it's possible and i can do it again, insya-Allah. i just want to thank hell's kitchen for teaching me one of the fundamental values, to ot give up and prove my worth, constantly. to bounce back, and get up no matter how challenging it gets.
yeah, i think that's all i want to write today.
dear me, you can definitely do this. i have faith in you. 
till then.
with love, nina.
